[CHARLIE]
I can do this, somehow I know it
I'll get Heaven behind my plans
[VAGGIE]
Charlie, hold on.
[CHARLIE]
There's just no way I could blow it
Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance
[VAGGIE]
It's just a meeting.
[CHARLIE]
To change their minds and touch their hearts
Or whatever angels have
[VAGGIE]
This could be bad...
[CHARLIE]
Cheer up, Vaggie
This could be swell
Something tells me that today
Will be a happy day in Hell!
[VAGGIE]
Okay, but just don't sing to them-
[ANGEL]
That bitch is already halfway down the street!
[VAGGIE]
Is she...?
[ANGEL]
Oh, she's dancing.
[VAGGIE]
Augh, no...!
[CHARLIE]
There's a warm, fuzzy feeling
That wafts through the air
Every street so revealing
It's hard not to stare
It's a realm so appealing
It beats anywhere
If you don't mind the smell
It's a happy day in Hell
Hi, mister! (SINNER: Go fuck yourself!)
[VARIOUS SINNERS]
There's an endless trash fire
That's burning my soul (CHARLIE: Hello!)
Got a ton of barbed wire
To shove in his hole (CHARLIE: Ah, excuse me!)
Doing what is required
We all have our role
I'm not doin' well
Another shitty day in Hell
[CHARLIE]
If I can show them the dream I've dreamed
That any soul can change
[VAGGIE]
Those angels' minds are hard to change
[CHARLIE]
Then they will know everyone can be redeemed
From the evil to the strange
[VAGGIE]
They're bloodthirsty and deranged
[CHARLIE]
I can hear all their stories
The lost and displaced
And I know that they're more of
An acquired taste
But if I open the door
And I give them a place
At my Hazbin Hotel
It'll be a happy day in Hell!
From the porn studio where the cinephiles go
To watch award-winning demon bukkake shows!
To the Cannibal Town where they don't wear a frown
'Cause-
Holy shit, oh my gosh, why?!
And I don't give a crow that
His brains got in my eye
'Cause I know I can spare them
From Heaven's genocide
I can do this, I just know it
[SINNER 1: There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul]
I'll get Heaven behind my plans
There's just no way I can blow it
[SINNER 2: I kinda like the barbed wire that's stuffed in my hole]
Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance
To change their minds-
[SINNER]
And touch my parts!
[CHARLIE]
Uh, no thank you. I'm just gonna...
Fulfill my destiny!
[SINNER]
Your loss, bitch.
[CHARLIE]
I can already tell
Today is gonna be a fucking happy day in Hell!
